Title : I’m Not Prefect
Pairing : Wonkyu, a little bit Kangmin
Disclaimer : all casts are belong to their self and God
Inspired : An Indonesian Song, Maafkan (Tak Sempurna) by Ecoutez
Warning : Un-betaed, full of typos, BL, A little bit angst, AU, OOC
Summary : I’m sorry because I’m not perfect cause no matter what, when and where, I’ll always be like this.
( 。・_・。)人(。・_・。 )
Is it wrong to love your truly soul mate the way you are? Is it too much asking your love one to understand that you already done the best for him? Is it my fault that I can’t be the one he wants me to?
I’m just a regular man who falls in love with a perfect man. It’s obvious if it stays that way. I mean every human being, that know the man I fallen in love with, will be head over heel for him. He’s so handsome with those perfect features on his face, strong bone structure, sharp nose, thick eyebrow, black mesmerized eyes, full luscious lips, and the twin dimples that adorn his sweet smile. Not to mention his also perfect figure. That tall muscular body of his makes all the girls and some men dying to have some of it. He’s perfection not just in physic department but also in background department. Born to be the heir of major business empire and respectful family made him the most sought after bachelor. And who’s the lucky winner? People won’t believe this but that person is me. People would hate me when I say this, but right now I don’t feel like a winner. And you will know why I said that.
It starts when he first confess to me. To be honest, the day when we got together, was the best day of my life. I’ve never imagine that he, Choi Siwon would asked me, Cho Kyuhyun, to be his boyfriend. I mean, come on! I never forget when Siwon was stared at me in the eyes and told me that he loves me and he would be the happiest man on earth if I would accept him. Seriously, if the love of your life asked you to be his lover, you would jump up and down and instantly said yes. However, being the awkward and sarcastic guy I’ve always been labeled for, I just stood frozen and look directly at him with this confused but accusing stare. How would a normal people, who just confess to a person, get that reaction? He would think that he just got rejected. When I remembered that day, I would gladly kill myself. Eventually, I got to my senses and accepted him with a blushing face that could defeat a tomato. But if I knew it would turn out to be like this, I should have just rejected him.
I would never said that my relationship with Siwon is like a soap opera, where all the main actresses handle the hardship of being denied by everybody and have to struggle so our love will be acceptable or other crap like that. Quite the contrary, everyone seems fine with Siwon being my boyfriend. There even a fans club called Wonkyu is real who support our relationship.
In the beginning, our relationship is just like other couple. We love each other. He protect and taking care of me. I adore and give full of my attention to him. We completed to each other. He’s serious most of the time; I’m more the enjoyable one. He’s the hot jock type; I’m a quirky hippy like. We different yet we see those differences as our point of attraction. And far from everybody opinion that we rarely meet because of Siwon hectic activities, we do often going out on a date. Siwon would always make time for me, and I would always understand if he can’t make it to one of our dates because student board meeting or something else important. We’re holding hands, hugs and kisses, showing the world how we love each other deeply. Seems like a perfect boyfriend to each other right? At first I would not hesitant to say yes, but now, I’m not sure.
Like any relationship in every part of the world, we have ups and down with ours. We fight in between but not for long, because as I said earlier, our love for each other run deep and make our fight to shallow to make us break apart. I hold that bittersweet memories that complete my love life. I know that people will say I’m so contradicted with everything regarding my relationship with Siwon. I said nice thing but in the end I feel not like it. I tell those people why.
Cup. Suddenly, I feel a kiss on my cheek and strong arms roll itself to my shoulder. Then I fell someone bigger than me hug me from behind taking me closer to his warm embrace. I turned my head around and found my boyfriend, Siwon, steal a kiss from me when I faced him. I am blushing so hard because I’m embarrassed that he kisses me in public like this. I immediately move my head backward avoiding his kiss that starting to be a little too hot for me to handle.
“Hey. Stop it. People are staring.” I whining for Siwon to stop the public display of affection because truth to be told, people are really starting to stare at us. Siwon only chuckle at my whining. That’s make me pouting my lips and puffing my cheeks. Siwon only laugh harder seeing me like that. Being laugh like that, I pinch his stomach so he’ll stop laughing at me.
“Ow..ow.. Stop it baby. It hurts. What did I do?”
“Serve you right Wonnie. And don’t call me baby. Makes me feel like a girl.”
“But you are the girl in our relationship.”
“Alright..alright.. Seriously Kyunnie, why do you pinch me? You should kiss me instead. You know, pay me back.”
“Never happen because you laugh at me.”
“But you look so cute babe. Makes me want to kiss you again.”
“Don’t you dare Siwon.”
“Or what baby”
“I told you to not call me bab.. mpht…” Siwon kiss me again and this time he French kissing me. And when he realizes that I’m out of breath because of his kiss, he let go of my lips. He still is holding me tightly in his arms though.
“Recharging complete. Now I have a class to attend. See you tonight babe.” He said while starting to let go of me completely. He stands up and grabs his bag which he put near my bag. He doesn’t notice the perplexed look on my face.
“Tonight? Are we having a date or something?” I asked him softly, because if we are, I really kill myself right now because I never forget if we make arrangement for something. And I would never want to start now.
“You could say so. After all, we are going together to the party.” Now I really want to kill myself. I really am forgotten about our date? Wait. Siwon said about party. What party?
“Tonight at Sungmin’s house Kyuhyun. He’s having a party. Don’t tell me you forget.” Said Siwon and informing me about the party. It seems like I voice my thoughts out loud. However, when Siwon mention the party, I’m actually didn’t aware of it. He never says anything about a party.
“Forget?! Siwon, I don’t even know there’s going to be a party tonight. You never told me. And are you sure it will be at Sungmin’s house? You do know that he doesn’t like me right. With you choosing me over him.” I try to reason out with him because to be honest I’m uncomfortable being near Sungmin. He’s like hating me since Siwon asked me to be his boyfriend.
“Oh baby. How can you not know? All of the students here have been talking about that party since last week. You should be more attentive. And Sungmin is already dating Kangin hyung. You don’t have to worry about that.” He counters my reason so I would agree with him. But I have to refuse it because I have something to do. I have to study tonight.
“I’m sorry Wonnie. It’s just that I really don’t know about this party. I don’t know if I could go. I have a test tomorrow.”
“You couldn’t go? Kyuhyun, you’re my boyfriend. They are expecting us to be there together. You are going to make me like an idiot if I come alone.” He looks a little bit upset by my rejection to go with him. I never want to make him disappoint with me, but I have to study for my test. It’s not that I’m afraid of getting flunk. I’m quite smart but by all means, I have to study to keep up my grades if I still want to maintain my scholarship.
“But Wonnie, I..”
“Please Kyuhyun. Do it for me. Okay baby.” He put his puppy eyes. He’s not playing fair. I have to stand firm. I have to.
“But my test, I hav..”
“You’re already smart enough. Hell, you even the smartest people in this campus. You excel that test. Right now, you should worry about yourself. You should socialize more. I’m concern about your relationship building with people if all you do is talking to your geek friends and associate with that game club.” He cuts me off again. Argh! I hate him when he does that. But, wait. What did he said? Socialize more? Too much talking with my geek friends? And he mentions my hobby too? I look at him with disbelieve. Siwon never talk to me like that.
“You never mind before.”
“Now I mind about it.” My eye is wide apart hearing he’s saying that. And I’m not lying that it hurts when he spoke like that to me.
“Come on. It will be fun.” He still urges me to agree to his want. I stare at him and sighed. Lately, I recognize a pattern with Siwon regarding us. Earlier, when we start our relationship, he never pushes me to do something I’m not comfortable with. But now, I notice he makes me socialize with his friends more, taking me to every event that our campus or friends held, or everything he could come up with. It’s not that I’m ungrateful or something with Siwon action to make me have a life beside my studies, it’s just that kind of lifestyle didn’t fit me like Siwon did. However, I love him so much. I would do anything to make him happy, even sometimes it makes me feel a little bit stifled.
“Okay. But please, you have to promise that we have got to go home before 10 p.m. I have to get up early for my test.”
“Promise. You’re the best Kyunnie.” He said happily while giving me a kiss on my lips again.
“I know.” I replied with a little smile I could give him. He smile as well and caress my check. After all that, he prepares to leave but before that he reminds me of something.
“Oh, and don’t forget to use the clothes that I bought for you yesterday. Also, change your hair style a bit and wear contact lens. Those glasses make you nerdy.”
“But Siwon..” I try to argue with him because the clothes he bought me doesn’t ensemble that I really am. But once again Siwon break off my every argument. He simply wave his hand and running to his class and shouting to me.
“Bye. I’ll pick you up at 7.”
“Siwon!” I called him again but he just ignores me and disappears around the corner of a building. I sat myself down and think to myself that I starting to lose the confident of being Siwon’s boyfriend.
End of Flashback
It’s just a beginning of something more. From that moment, Siwon really open out makes me do the things I’m not. He makes me frequently go with him to most of the parties and event and shows that he considers as relationship building. He dresses me with various clothes that I’m not comfy with. He tries to inquire me to be someone else. He queries me more and more until I don’t know what I should do anymore. I truly don’t know.
Being someone else that’s not you are hard work and mentally frustrated. I tried to do the things that make Siwon happy, to make him stay by my side, to make him still in love with me. Nevertheless, in the end, I still couldn’t do it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love Siwon anymore. On the contrary, I love him so much that I’m afraid he’ll leave me if I don’t turn out like the person he wants me to. But, I am who I am. I never am the classy, popular, and socialite like him and his friends. I am the geek boy with geek friends and the leader of the so called weird game club. I can’t be socializing with no other than books and introverted people. I am the background person and I like it. And I thought Siwon like it too. But, turn out that after months of dating, he realizes that I’m not good enough for him so he chooses to change me.
I’m so sorry Siwon. I’m so sorry if I’m not the perfect boyfriend for you. I’m trying to be the best for you, to be the one who could be proud of, to be the one who you want me to. But as long as I know, I’ll always be this way. I’ll still love you and will always love you. I’m sorry if I disappointed you. I’m sorry because I’m not perfect.